Sitting in the emergency department, I see people with broken legs, head gushes, babies screaming and crying in pain, I don’t need to be here, I’m just a little depressed, right?
I was put in a locked psychiatry ward, i walked down the hall way with four police, it was completely dark with a little of two lights from the nurses station, i kissed my family goodbye not being able to look them in the eye that one last time for god knows how long, i could hear my sisters broken cry as they got escorted out, i felt insane, i was insane. This was 44 weeks ago, and I still remember every cry i had in there, every experience and every single conversation.
I had to give my shoelaces, strings from my track pants so i don’t hang myself with them, i felt like i was getting punished for trying to kill myself.
Sleeping was the worst, I could hear scratching on the walls from other patients, screams of plead to get out, writing on the bedroom walls saying “kill yourself now, it sucks in here”. I got woken up every 15 minutes to a huge creek of the door opening and a flash light beaming brightly in my eyes to make sure I was still alive. In the morning’s all of the patients would line up and receive our meds, the stubborn ones slipping them under their tongues and spitting them out as soon as they walked off.
I had never appreciated my home more after I got discharged after 18 days of being in the psychward, I looked forward to waking up and being able to walk out side freely, i looked forward to being able to take a shower without a nurse having to watch me.
What I learnt from my experience wasn’t from anything in the psych ward, it was from being in the emergency department for 4 hours seeing sick, hurt patients and learning that just because your pain may not be visible doesn’t mean it’s not there, I was just as hurt as the man on the bed crying from stomach pains, mine just wasn’t so obvious, mine was harder to notice and it doesn’t just take a bandage to fix it. Get the help you need before it get’s to this, hearing the ambulance sirens coming down your street knowing it will be for you, having police officers turning up at your door, having a strict schedule that you have no say in, and having to have every bit of your privacy taken away from you with no contact to the outside world is not fun, it’s not something you want to experience, take my advice : Get help, you deserve it and you deserve to be treated like the equal human being you are, not like a prisoner.